Been rather pooped recently. There’s so much to do in life, always ten or twelve more projects that you want to work on, ducks to get in a row before you can feel like you’ve accomplished something and actually enjoy your times of rest. Oh, the life of a Meyers-Briggs “J”. Bryan knows nothing of it, and sometimes I’m quite jealous.
Still pluggin’ away at Veronica Mars (now into season 3). Still taking Japanese lessons four times a week and trying to figure out what I need to incorporate into my life in order to learn it well. Still on love/hate terms with living in Japan. Still miss home, thought slightly less frustrated by it when I’m making friends with Japanese people.
I realized today that I had set up some unattainable and unrealistic standards for my language study here, and I had done so because I’d forgotten the real motivation for my desire to learn Japanese. In my mind, if I didn’t speak “this” well or understand “this” much by “this” time, then I was a failure and all the people of Japan would hate me. (Drama queen? I think you could say so.) God is good to gently bring me back to the truth (and I’m wondering, “How did I go that far off the path without ever noticing?”), reminding me that I’m not here to impress with my language ability, but to love and befriend and be used by Him. And also that there isn’t some secret agenda or standard that if not met by year two means I’ll be sent home. Seriously, where do I come up with this stuff? My staff team won’t disown me if I don’t converse at “Level 2” by January, and the tools and strategies I’ve been given were done so to help me, not to discourage me or make me feel overwhelmed.
Moments like this, I realize I need to emotionally chill out. So far, I haven’t been very good at chilling.