the evidence of a morning well spent in jones’s world: a blanket and pacis that left their usual nighttime spot, hanging on the blue couch, and a bowl of popcorn to go with “blue’s clues” videos. (although, at the moment, he is currently drumming on the fan, which is a no-no yet to be corrected.) and all this, even after getting to enjoy some chocolate chip pancakes with mommy, just because she felt like having something chocolate this morning, and muffins take too long to bake when you start out the process already hungry.
it rained all night, and its cloudy and cool today, much welcomed by me. i’m trying to avoid making a toddy latte so i can drink some caffeine while i’m out this afternoon, but i desperately want a mug of something hot and sweet. as much as i enjoy napping, it really screws with my nighttime sleep, and i woke up this morning feeling like i didn’t actually sleep last night. i’ve got my apron on and am letting some yeast proof, getting ready to make two loaves of bread. i hope to have four to six loaves waiting for us in the freezer before baby arrives, along with some biscuits and some homemade bisquick mix for our saturday/sunday pancakes. hubby reminded me that it might be prudent to commence the baking, since i’ll reach 38 weeks this sunday.
“blue’s clues” just ended, and the little dude is crying, “more steve!” from his perch on the couch. i’m happy to oblige him today, given that God is growing me out of my “TV is BAD” frame of mind. so much of what God has been teaching me since moving to japan has been in the area of unnecessary guilt and self-condemnation — how i have beat myself up mentally over things that are completely neutral in His economy, things He deems neither right nor wrong. the tops of my unnecessary guilt list: kids and TV/DVD/media, food (mcdonald’s v. organic), debt and how to handle it, quiet or devotional times, and taking time for myself (ie. not being around my child 24 hours a day — language study, times out to recharge, etc). slowly making progress in these areas and learning to simply enjoy the small joys of the world, trusting God to lead me day-by-day, trying to leave the outcome of it all in his hands. a few days ago, i had apple crisp and ice cream for breakfast, guilt-free. i’d say that’s progress, wouldn’t you? 😉
now the bread is rising. some puppies are playing together on the television screen. jones is as cute as ever, sitting in the corner of the couch. i am still tired and am contemplating toddy or laying on the couch.
i am determined to enjoy these days — to fight for joy in the midst of tiredness, waiting, toddler tantrums, and accusations from the enemy on how i spend my days. i know the fight to find peace in the midst of emotional chaos will be worth it!