what does God want from me in being a mommy? i feel like i have a very general answer to that question (like “love my kids” kind of answer), but don’t have many convictions as to how exactly that should be carried out, so i end up spending a lot of time comparing myself, worrying, and feeling guilty if i don’t think i’m sacrificing enough. there is always someone out there who is giving more of themselves, and i haven’t dealt easily with that. how does a mother interpret giving her life away? daily taking up her cross? self-sacrifice? does that mean i should spend every hour with my kids? that i should ignore all the housework? that i should homeschool so they aren’t away from me very much and i’m pouring all of my life’s energies into them? what does “pouring life’s energies” look like? lots of time reading books together? doing lots of activities together? numerous trips to the park? engaged in every moment? i have no answers to these questions for myself, and i always wonder if i’m giving enough. i think what i’m really looking for is a formula to follow that equals something like “good mom” — which is perhaps why God was rather nondescript about the details of a mother’s work in the Bible. just another way to be legalistic.
i need to hear from God. i’m sort of wondering if He would speak this clearly on matters like this, but hoping hoping He will. the wondering and the guilt is so very tiring, and what mom has energy to waste?