boys at the park, girls at home. i can hear the littlest cooing in her crib, up from her morning nap. only a few moments left for writing.
today is new year’s eve. tomorrow is oshogatsu and the beginning of something new. oh, how i am ready for something new!
three kids brought me to a whole new level of exhaustion, especially considering that we were still trying to operate as if we had only one — or none. when i was pregnant with jones, we had all these silly ideals about how we weren’t going to let kids change our life, we were still going to go camping and take trips and throw big parties and business as usual. ridiculous, really.
so now i’m bobbing up for air and realizing just how long i’ve been under water. and if my gasps and gulps tell you nothing, then i can say i’ve been under for a really long time. five years, perhaps.
breathing slowly after such a spell of no breath at all, i’ve found myself to be inescapably, utterly, completely and irrevocably tired. i don’t want to leave the house. i want to burrow in and cook comfort food. even if i do nothing all day, i collapse on the couch after bedtime as if i’ve run five marathons. i know mothering makes you tired regardless, but its as if i’m experiencing all the pent-up exhaustion i’ve not been allowed (by my own self) to feel until now. i think it will take a while to recover.
we are learning new things about ourselves, our family, every day. God is giving insight and understanding in areas we’ve needed it for a while. we are making a change.
welcome, new year. we are ready for what’s next.